Spiritual "whack in the face" moment...

In my time in running, the Lord reveals a lot to me about my sin, the condition of my heart,  my priorities, attitude, and I'm not going to lie... some of the things the Lord uproots and exposes are hard to hear and often embarrassing.  Thank goodness no one else can hear them!  He often reminds me of the things I take for granted, overlook, and calls me out on my doubt, fears, and anxieties - you know, those things I haven't fully turned over to him yet.

I guess that's part of the refiner's fire, right?

In that time on the road listening to the Lord correct me, He never leaves me filled with doubt because he also reminds me of his great promises to provide, never leave, and bless my obedience.

I recently accepted the Youth Pastor position at Greater Cincinnati Worship Center in Batavia.  To be honest, I never thought there would be another opportunity for me to lead Youth again.  Although I was happily serving as a small group leader for the high school girls at the church we had been attending, I truly missed being in a spirit-filled church.  I never thought the opportunity to be a Youth Pastor would happen for me again.  So the thought of leading, teaching, and investing into teens has filled my heart with excitement.

Thursday we had our first youth gathering... it was exciting for many reasons.  1)  It was my first gathering with the students and 2) It was the first gathering for the students in a long time!  The students are great, excited, and anticipating great things!  I love how the Lord orchestrates things in His perfect timing for His perfect will.

My runs recently have been filled with different prayers - Lord please let these students and parents like me, trust me, believe in me...  Lord, help me trust and believe in you to use me, to work through and in me, to be completely yours in this process and ministry.

It's so easy to become worried and overwhelmed with the doubts of "What-If"when stepping into something new -especially ministry related...but just when I allow those thoughts to slip in, the Lord swoops in, takes those thoughts captive, and reminds me of his promises.

It's in those moments he gently reminds me; "Hillary, this has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.  You will not be able to do this in your own strength but if you use my strength, rely on me, this is going to be huge!"

In this last year of running and preparing for my marathons I've learned exactly what it means to rely on the Lord for strength, to be rested in Him, restored through His word, and recognize that my success is not in my strength but his.

The Lord, through running, has birthed a "free-bird" in my spirit.  Weird?  It might sound weird but one of the things running has brought me is freedom.  Before starting this blog, I had a "healing blog" where I blogged about my journey to forgiveness.  My heart was ugly, filled with anger, and hate.  The Lord had his work cut out, I was hurting and He used a lot of things and people to restore my heart and allow me to forgive, remove anger, hate, and bitterness.

Running was one of those things he used in my time of healing.

In this last year of running, I thought the Lord was teaching me a lesson in forgiveness and endurance - allowing me to truly understand His strength and power.  To trust His control, His promises, and rely on Him fully.

This is where the spiritual "whack in the face moment" happens (ever had one of those?!)... You know, when you see how crazy awesome God really is and how He just brought you full circle...  Where you see how God has been preparing you for something HUGE and you just didn't know it - or you thought you knew what it was for ;)

Pastor Shawn keeps reminding me, "Hillary, this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon!"  I always laugh when he says that because I totally get it...

This week on one of my runs, the Lord let "it" hit me (I honestly believe He loves sitting back and watching my face when I see it all piece together.  I'm sure he laughs and delights in my awe.)  He hasn't been using the training of running to only help heal my heart and prepare me for the marathons BUT (here is the WHACK!) to help me understand the spiritual endurance and discipline I'm going to need as a Youth Pastor...  He's good, isn't he?!

I am very excited for what is to come...