It's not about "skinny"...

If you've been following my blog, FB, or instagram- most of you know my running journey and how the Lord has used running to transform my life but many of you do not know my history of yo-yo dieting and desire to truly love myself the way God created me.

"Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, 

who lives in you and was given to you by God? 

You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. 

So you must honor God with your body." 

 ~1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I've always struggled with my weight.  I was never athletic and always a bit soft around the edges.  In Jr. High I was plagued with my first stretch marks on my inner thighs and I denied them.  I made up excuses for them when friends would ask what they were and created a habit of lying to myself and others about my body image, weight, and stretch marks.

I was surrounded by girls at school and church who were thin, who wore cute clothes, and looked so pretty... then there was my beautiful, athletic, better looking sister that I always stood in the shadow of.  She had pretty olive skin, built like an athlete, could eat anything and not gain weight, and all my guy friends thought she was so hot.  Lets not forget my best friend, tall, porcelain skin, not athletic but had a flawless complexion, confidence of a warrior princess, and legs for days (you're welcome, Kylie ;) )

I was surrounded by beauty but never felt part of it and often felt overlooked... I wasn't anything special.  Throughout high school and college I tried everything.  I typically would starve myself and it would always end in binging on bad things...  I tried signing up for races and wouldn't get through 2 weeks of training.  I was the person who said one thing but never followed through when it came to my health and fitness because I had an excuse for everything.  

I would lose 5 lbs. then go back to my old habits and gain 10 lbs., it was a vicious cycle that honestly consumed me.  I ended up telling myself it wasn't worth it, accepted my weight, and embraced it with fast food, soda, candy... never looking back... I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted.

As a Pastor's kid, I tried focusing on the fact that I was beautiful the way God made me.  That I didn't need to change a thing... but I was still unhappy with myself when I looked in the mirror.

I started dating and fell in love with my husband, he loved me for my heart, my gifts, and talents.  He thought I was beautiful, loved me just as I was, and I loved that about him.  Yet after we got married, I desired more for myself as his wife.  I wanted him to find me beautiful, to be proud of me, and I tried losing weight again... but after a few months into our marriage, found out we were pregnant.  

Pregnancy, what an exciting time... no one told me to watch what I ate, no one told me I'd lose every ounce of muscle I had if I wasn't taking care of myself.  And just like that, at the end of my pregnancy, I had gained over 40 lbs!!!

After giving birth to our beautiful baby girl in 2008, my anxiety of all the weight gain began haunting me.  I had an emergency c-section and my body had changed in ways I was NOT expecting!  On top of all of that, trying to nurse, lack of sleep, worry of being an awful mother, depression, and a baby that had severe food allergies felt like too much...

Here it was suppose to be the most amazing moments of my life and I felt a loneliness I had never felt before.  Not many women talk about post-pregnacy but I wish more of them did because I needed to hear that I wasn't alone in my struggle post-pregnancy.  I struggled so much with depression, not being good enough, exhaustion, and was so overwhelmed... I felt alone.  

What was wrong with me?!  I had a beautiful baby girl that I absolutely loved yet I felt so empty.  How could that be?

For THREE more years I yo-yo dieted, felt uncomfortable in clothes, insecure, and daily lied to myself about my binging habits, lack of exercise, and lazy behavior.  Because when it came down to it, I was lazy.  I was a wife, mom, watched kids during the week, a Youth Pastor... I had many excuses that I believed were justifications for my weight.

In December 2011 I noticed that food no longer had a "taste", that nothing ever sounded good yet I continually binged on fast food, candy, and soda.  I was drinking TWO large cokes from McDonald's daily, and couldn't tell you what a vegetable looked like.  I acted as though I was "eating right" when in reality, when I was alone or in the car with Savannah, I would go through drive-thrus and eat in the car.  After Savannah went to bed, I would eat until I made myself sick.

That month, I went in for a physical and my Doctor got real with me.  I tested borderline diabetic because of my bad habits, weighed in at 188.9 lbs. and was a total of 31.3% body fat.  Not only that but a few years prior, my father had suffered a massive heart attack... heart disease runs in my family.

It was in the Doctor's Office that my doctor who is also a family friend, a counselor, and father of my good friend said to me; "Hillary, you need to make some serious changes!"

It was in that moment reality set in...

At my heaviest 188 lbs.

Although the Lord doesn't look at the outward appearance but at the condition of our hearts, my eating habits, my laziness, my choices weren't honoring my body.  In fact, they were destroying my body and health.  Gluttony, lying, binging, finding comfort in food instead of comfort in my Savior... turning to food instead of the Lord was not honoring my relationship with Him, my husband, or my family.

As you read above, I was really good at making excuses for my health so in January 2012 when my sister in law encouraged me and supported me in beginning to train for the Chicago Marathon most people were reluctant to believe that it would actually happen.

I committed to a training program, I would wake up, look in the mirror and say; "YOU CAN DO THIS... YOU WILL DO THIS!" I started "running" a 15 minute mile and as I slowly moved I would say to myself; "YOU WILL NOT STOP!  YOU WILL NOT STOP!" 

And everyday I ran, I became stronger, more confident, and proud of myself...

If you've read my blog you know that the Lord has used my time running as time to refine me, speak to me, and reveal things to me.  It's been in those long runs that the Lord has given me peace and grace to forgive, convicted me, and allowed me to see that when I trust the Lord, when I serve Him with my whole self, when I humbly go into each day knowing it is not my strength, but HIS that HE can use me to do great things that bring honor to Him.

In October 2012, I completed my FIRST Marathon, the Chicago Marathon.  The next month, I ran the Turkey Trot 10k Thanksgiving morning, in January 2013 I started training for my second Marathon.  March 2013, I ran my first Half-Marathon, the Mini Heart Half.  In May 2013 I completed my 2nd marathon, the Flying Pig here in Cincinnati.  In June I completed my first Sprint Triathlon and in September I finished my 3rd Marathon, The Akron Marathon.

The Lord overflows my cup...

It was May 2013 I was introduced to Shakeology.  My friend, Emily, invited me to be part of her Challenge Group.  I had successfully lost over 40 lbs. and kept it off with running but was wanting to see definition within my abs and arms, more than what I was getting from running.  So I jumped into her Challenge Group, not knowing what to expect.

Why Shakeology?!

When I was searching for a nutrition drink/shake, I was so overwhelmed.  There were many options, many words I couldn't pronounce, many chemicals, and so many questions!  I chose Shakeology because I couldn't afford juicing.

Juicing would have been my #1 pick but have you priced a vitamix lately?!  Not in the budget!!! I know, I know... they pay for themselves!  But seriously, have you priced one?!  Not just the vitamix but to actually purchase enough fruits and veggies to juice 1 meal a day would cost around $115 PER WEEK!  Yeah, we really don't have that kind of money!

So how was I going to find a drink that wasn't packed with unnecessary sugar?  A bunch of chemicals? and filled with the good stuff that I actually need?  

This is why I chose Shakeology!  No chemicals, no junk, no artificial flavors, no sketchy ingredients, no aspartame!  Just natural ingredients that work with your body, feed your body, and strengthen your body.  If I couldn't juice, this was the next best thing!

What has Shakeology done for me?!

Shakeology has done a lot for me, which is why I joined the Beachbody family as a Coach.  

Shakeology has been a protein drink, curbed my sugar cravings, helped me from "crashing" in the late afternoon, it's improved my digestion, lowered my cholesterol, given me energy, and boosts my immune system...

But the main thing it has done for me is help me understand that healthy happens from the INSIDE OUT!  That FITNESS & NUTRITION go hand in hand.

My Health & Fitness Journey didn't happen because I wanted to be skinny, because it's not about being skinny!  It's about being healthy!  My journey began because I was tired of being lazy, overweight, unhappy, insecure, and sick.  My body was screaming at me to get healthy.  When I look back at those pictures of myself, it makes me sad because I can see the "sickness" in my eyes.  I know how unhappy and achy my body was.

Shakeology has taught me that food is fuel and every time I eat I have the opportunity to nourish my body.  My food choices are my fuel for the day and my workouts, they will build muscle and make me stronger!  I have confidence in myself, I know now that I can do anything, any workout, and that my body CAN do it!

My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, I have been given one body and one chance and I want to honor the Lord.  As a Beachbody Coach, I host monthly Challenge Groups where men and women have different goals but the same desire, to get healthy.  For themselves, their children, their spouse, their future... the list goes on and on.

Sunday, October 27th @ 4pm I am hosting another Shake & Share Party at our home!  This is an opportunity for you to taste all the delicious Shakeology flavors, ask questions about the workout programs and Shakeology, see first hand the workout programs, nutrition guides, and jump start programs, and sign up for my next Challenge Group.  

I'm still on my health & fitness journey, pushing myself further than I ever have before. 

Just this week, I hit TWO of my personal fitness goals:

1) Be able to do a girl push-up (nose to the ground)

2) Hold a plank for 20 seconds

For me, this is a HUGE accomplishment!  I have never in my life been able to do a girl push-up or hold a plank!  Next on the list, do a regular push up and hold a plank for 30 seconds.

I still fight the cravings of a fountain coke from McDonalds and have been known to ruin my day by eating 8 homemade cookies but the difference is now I have accountability through my Challenge Groups, to get back on track, to suck that day up as a loss and get back at it tomorrow.

The Challenge Groups are such great encouragement.  That support when you just want to quit.  I am still running a few days a week, plugging away at Focus T25, and eating clean.  One of the biggest convictions I had was the quality of food I was eating.  You couldn't call them quality at all.  

Through my Health & Fitness Journey I have memorized a lot of scripture to push me through difficult milestones in training... my favorites are:

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

 ~Psalm 73:26

"Be strong in the Lord and His mighty power." 

~Ephesians 6:10

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."  

~Philippians 4:13

Fitness + Nutrition + Accountability = Succes

From a size 12 to a size 4

Whether you need to lose weight, are looking for accountability in working out and/or eating habits, or just need some motivation... I want to help you reach your Health & Fitness goals.  

Everyone has a reason to WHY they want to get healthy, I want to hear yours!

**Message me or email me for more information on my Shake & Share Party and/or my next Challenge Group - Healthy Holidays Challenge Group, starting in November**