Determined to make 2015 a better year, I contacted a friend and asked her to meet with me weekly for prayer, encouragement, and to be raw with. You know the friend you can spill your ugliest thoughts & struggles with and they don't look at you like you're crazy?! Or throw a scripture or spiritual saying at you to encourage you... they listen to the crazy talk and agree to pray with you and over you.
We decided to meet weekly and read Crazy Love by Francis Chan. This book hits exactly where my heart is at: I know God has called me to a passionate loving relationship with Him, I know my purpose as a follower of Christ is to expand the Kingdom, I know my time here on Earth is just a vapor and I'm not promised tomorrow... but why do I get so caught up and consumed in ME?
The Holy Spirit hit me with a strong conviction... it was so heavy and I knew I had to admit it and say it out loud. The confession: On a daily basis I am not living for Christ, I am living for Savannah and Allan. They are my life. They are my priority. They are who I wake up for and serve.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my job as a wife and mother. Allan and Savannah truly make my heart beat... but that is what the Lord was convicting me of. They should not be my reason for waking, He should.
Savannah is on loan, she is not mine. She ultimately belongs to the Lord and it is the Lord who has trusted Allan and I with her. To raise her, love her, and teach her.
What a hard confession to make. It wasn't until I admitted this sin of putting Savannah and Allan above my personal relationship with Christ that I felt a shift.
Sunday our Pastor gave a message where he discussed God's currency, which is time. We are only given a short amount of time on earth to live out God's message of salvation. To complete His assignments that will expand His Kingdom, be the hands and feet of Christ, and share the Gospel of Christ. When my time on earth has faded and I stand before God, he will not recite all the complements I received for being a good mom and wife, He will hold me accountable for the way I used my time to accomplish His works of expanding the Kingdom. Was I obedient when He asked me to serve, step out of my comfort zone, and do something BOLD for Him?
A lot of times I hold back doing things because of money. We don't have the money to go, donate or give to bless others. But Pastor said something that right there Immediately overwhelmed my heart:
When God provides you with an assignment it is not tied to money.
Money is tied to your assignment.
Meaning.
If God calls you to do something... he doesn't want you to wait until you have the money to do it. He wants you to be obedient and say YES. Once you say YES, it is His job to provide the money to complete the assignment He has called you to.
And with that, I knew in my spirit what God was asking me to do.
A few people from our church are leaving for Kyrgyzstan Friday, February 27th to serve in an orphanage & mens home. The cost of the trip is approx. $2000. I decided that it wasn't for me because we didn't have an extra $2000 laying around. But the Lord put SO HEAVY on my heart that I needed to say YES. Commit and watch Him provide.
Oh the FEAR that overwhelmed my heart. I am a mother and wife. I cannot leave them. What if something happens to me or them? I would be so selfish. And it was in that thought the Lord grabbed my attention and said NO! I am calling you to this country, I will provide and need you to trust me.
I do not have $2000 but last night decided to overcome my fear and be obedient to the assignment God has called me to. I committed to serve in Kyrgyzstan for a week and know this is just the beginning of something so GRAND for 2015.
Here's what I need from you:
1) Commit to Pray-
a) Over Allan & Savannah: peace to flow through them. That although we will miss each other that the Lord will give them sweet peace. They will stay healthy and safe while I am away.
b) My parents and Allan's parents as they take care of Savannah. For wisdom and love to flow through them as they invest and pour into Savannah while I'm away.
c) My travels: safety to and from the airport, as we are flying, during our layovers, and as we are driving in Kyrgyzstan.
d) Personal Fear: that I would let go and surrender all personal fear of leaving my family to love those orphans and leaders in the city we are going.
2) Financially-
As I said, I committed to this assignment trusting fully the Lord to provide & meet every need. I need to raise $2000 by Wednesday, Feb. 25th. That's a pretty bold number in a quick amount of time but I am trusting the Lord.
If you would like to make a donation, please visit www.gofundme.com/koa75c
3) Donations - I have a list of things that are needed in the orphanage and home that I can take in my suitcase. If you are interested in giving to that, please email me for more information: hillarymayne@gmail.com
I am scared, nervous, excited, and overwhelmed but know this is exactly what the Lord is asking of me! Thank you for your prayers, support, and encouragement!
Feel free to contact me if you have more questions about the trip or how you can help!
~Hillary
"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." ~Matthew 6:33
